She Strengthens

The Armor of Manners

Growing up, my daily routine was far from ordinary. As a child, I’d wake up at 5 AM and head to the Marriot hotel in Northampton, England, where my mother worked. While I’d enjoy a hotel breakfast and play with toys, my mother would be upstairs, serving breakfast and cleaning rooms. She often speaks fondly of her time at the Marriot, crediting it with teaching her valuable skills like poise, confidence, and quick thinking.

The Power of Training

Large corporations, despite their flaws, often provide excellent training. They offer a nurturing environment that can be instrumental in shaping individuals. My mother’s experience at the Marriot had a profound impact on both our lives. As a single mother and child, we were vulnerable, but we benefited greatly from her training. We lived modestly, but we had a good standard of living, and most importantly, we had excellent manners.

Manners as Currency

Politeness and clean clothes were our armor, our currency in the world. We may have lived on a tight budget, but we had intelligence and cultural capital. These traits have stayed with me throughout my life, even as my income has fluctuated. I’ve often felt ashamed about not meeting certain expectations, but my protection hasn’t changed much since childhood. I still wear the same armor of nice clothes and nice manners.

The Difference Between Dignity and Showing Off

I’ve been reflecting on the crucial difference between presenting oneself with dignity and simply showing off. Dignity is about being respectful and demure, while showing off is about intimidating others and keeping them at a distance. I’ve struggled with being vulnerable with those close to me, fearing judgment or rejection. However, I’ve come to realize that true intimacy requires sharing our fears and vulnerabilities.

The Isolation of Showing Off

Showing off is an attempt to protect oneself from pain, but it only leads to further isolation. It’s a hollow bragging, exaggerating, or displaying material possessions to drive a wedge between ourselves and others. In contrast, dignity is about being honest about our struggles and asking for help when needed.

A Lesson in Vulnerability

I recently had an experience that taught me the value of vulnerability. After a delayed flight, I found myself stranded in London with no way to get back to my hometown. I walked into a Premier Inn, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable, and asked for help. To my surprise, the receptionist offered me a room with a TV, where I could sleep on a sofa. He even left me a latte and pastry for breakfast. In that moment, I felt a sense of dignity, not because I was trying to impress anyone, but because I was willing to accept help.

The Power of Community

Dignity isn’t something we create in isolation; it’s a standard we should hold each other to. When we’re failing or lost, we shouldn’t be left in a state of indignity. Instead, we should connect with others over our individual fears and vulnerabilities, learning what they need to feel dignified. By doing so, we can build stronger, more meaningful relationships.

A Note of Gratitude

I want to extend my gratitude to Randal, the receptionist at the Premier Inn, who kept me warm and safe that night. His kindness reminded me of the importance of dignity and vulnerability. It’s a lesson I’ll carry with me, and one that I hope to pass on to those around me.