She Strengthens

The High Cost of Love and Financial Naivety

Growing up, my dad instilled in me the importance of saving. I fondly remember Sundays spent rolling coins together, and my first savings account, where I deposited half of my earnings from babysitting gigs. This habit stuck with me throughout college, where I worked part-time jobs to cover expenses and saved every spare cent towards my student loans.

A Tale of Two Financial Mindsets

My high school boyfriend, on the other hand, was a spender. He frequently ate out, made impulse purchases, and had expensive hobbies. Despite his poor spending habits, he attributed his financial woes to bad luck. I, however, was diligent about saving and budgeting. Our differing financial approaches didn’t initially raise concerns, but they eventually became a significant issue in our relationship.

Red Flags Ignored

When we started dating, my boyfriend accumulated a massive phone bill, which he refused to negotiate with the phone company. This was the first red flag, but I justified it as a noble gesture. Later, he quit his part-time job without discussing it with me, citing the importance of our summer trip together. Another red flag, but I brushed it off as romantic.

The Debt Crisis

After we moved in together, things took a turn for the worse. My boyfriend rarely had steady employment, and his debts mounted. He took out a student line of credit with a staggering 19.99% interest rate, which he kept even after dropping out of school. I tried to mitigate our expenses, but his spending habits continued to worsen. The final blow came when collection notices started rolling in, and he confessed to taking out multiple credit cards without my knowledge.

The Sunk Cost Fallacy

I took charge of tackling his debt, using his student line of credit to pay off the credit cards and eventually depleting my own savings account to clear his student loan. This was the money I had saved to pay off my own student loans, gone in an instant. I realized too late that I had fallen victim to the sunk cost fallacy, investing too much time, effort, and money into a toxic relationship.

Losing Myself

In those years, I lost more than just money. I sacrificed my relationships with family and friends, my hobbies, and my mental health. I felt like I was drowning in misery, but desperate to maintain the illusion of a perfect relationship. I was blind to the true cost of staying in the relationship, prioritizing sunk costs over my own well-being.

A Hard-Won Lesson

Looking back, I can see that I made a grave mistake. But I’ve learned valuable lessons about knowing my worth, setting boundaries, and recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship. If I could go back, I’d tell myself to prioritize my own happiness and financial security over the fear of being alone or vulnerable.

Moving Forward

Today, I’m in a better place, with a career I love and a partner who shares my financial values. The $10,000 I lost still haunts me, but I’ve gained perspective. Remember, even the worst decisions don’t define who you are, and it’s never too late to walk away from a bad investment – in love, money, or life.