She Strengthens

The Evolution of Arranged Marriages in India

Growing up, I always assumed I would follow in my parents’ footsteps and have an arranged marriage. As a child, I modeled my understanding of family units and marriage on theirs, which was a common practice in Indian culture. In India, marriage is often viewed as the union of two families rather than two individuals, making it natural for families to be involved in the selection of a life partner.

A Glimpse into Modern Arranged Marriages

Netflix’s new documentary series, Indian Matchmaking, offers a unique perspective on arranged marriages today, particularly among first and second-generation American millennials with Indian heritage. The show follows individuals who employ the services of Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia, who takes a holistic approach to matchmaking by considering the preferences of her clients’ families, including their parents, grandparents, and siblings.

The Importance of Family Involvement

In many instances, the parents are asked about their preferences before the client themselves. This approach may seem unconventional to Western audiences, but it’s a crucial aspect of Indian matchmaking. Sima presents her clients with one-page profiles of potential matches based on preferences for career, height, religion, hobbies, and personality. While some traits, such as fair complexion and caste status, may be seen as problematic, the show doesn’t shy away from depicting these aspects of Indian culture.

Confronting Casual Colorism and Sexism

One of the most striking aspects of the show is its portrayal of casual colorism, casteism, and sexism. As a viewer, I found it refreshing to see these issues addressed head-on, rather than being sanitized for a Western audience. The show highlights the importance of acknowledging these social institutions if we hope to address them.

The Value of Traditional Matchmaking

Despite the criticisms, I believe that traditional matchmakers like Sima provide a valuable service. In today’s digital age, finding a partner can be unpredictable, and our preferences often can’t be filtered on a mobile dating app. A matchmaker can help individuals find a partner who shares their cultural understanding, values, and goals.

A Hybrid Model for Modern Times

The institution of matchmaking and arranged marriage has adapted to a hybrid model, where individuals have more agency in the process. While I’ve found my partner through organic means, I see the value in traditional matchmaking as a cultural institution. It’s comforting to see a Western audience understand these processes, but it also means we must explain the less rosy aspects of Indian matchmaking.

Reframing the Drivers of Marriage

To its credit, the Netflix show reframes the drivers for marriage to one that many South Asians understand: a mixture of rationality, duty, and compatibility. Along the way, the series captures prejudices that are uniquely highlighted throughout the process of looking for an arranged spouse, and those need to be addressed.