She Strengthens

Unlearning the Myth of Sun-Kissed Skin

As a child, I was convinced that my dark skin made me immune to the sun’s harsh rays. It wasn’t until a sleepover at my friend Kim’s house that I realized the truth. Kim’s mom suggested we all lay out in the sun to get some color, but I was confused – didn’t everyone already have a natural glow? The other girls slathered on sunscreen, but I was told I didn’t need it. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of a lifelong journey to unlearn harmful myths about my skin.

The Invisibility of Racism

That sleepover was my first experience with feeling like an outsider. I watched as the other girls effortlessly soaked up the sun, while I felt like a stranger in my own skin. It wasn’t until years later, when I read Robin DiAngelo’s book White Fragility, that I realized I wasn’t alone. Many people of color have tried to talk to their white friends about racism, only to be met with defensiveness or dismissal.

When Friends Fail You

I’ve had my fair share of toxic friendships, where racist jokes and prejudiced beliefs were dismissed as harmless. But it was at a party in rural Pennsylvania, where a guest chanted “white power,” that I realized some friendships were beyond repair. My so-called friend Nancy couldn’t see the problem with the chant, and I knew then that she was no friend to me or my community.

The Weight of Education

It’s exhausting being the Black friend who’s always educating others about social injustices. It’s not my responsibility to fix their blind spots or justify my existence. When friendships become more like lectures, it’s time to reevaluate.

Knowing When to Let Go

Ending a friendship is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for our own mental health. I’ve learned to recognize when a friendship has become toxic and when it’s time to distance myself. It’s not about placing expectations on others, but about protecting myself from harm.

Unique Relationships, Unique Challenges

Not all friendships are created equal, and what works for one relationship may not work for another. I’ve learned to appreciate the friends who are willing to have tough conversations about race and respect our cultural differences. My friendship with Kim is a testament to the power of cross-racial relationships built on mutual respect.

Respect, Not Perfection

I don’t expect my friends to get it right all the time, but when my feelings are consistently disregarded, I know it’s time to leave. Building relationships based on respect for cultural differences is key, and it’s okay to acknowledge when it’s not working.