She Strengthens

The Secret Life of a Broke Grad Student

Living on a Shoestring

I still remember the struggles of being a broke graduate student. Between 2011 and 2013, I was barely scraping by, relying on a combination of scholarships, grants, and limited loans to get through each semester. My parents, who were struggling financially themselves, couldn’t offer much help, so I was on my own.

The Isolation of Being Broke

During that time, I rarely went out. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times I ate out or had drinks with friends. Most nights, I was working my evening job to make ends meet, leaving little time for a social life. My friends eventually stopped inviting me out, knowing that I couldn’t afford to join them.

The World of Online Dating

Feeling lonely and isolated, I turned to online dating as a way to meet new people. I was surprised by the number of interesting men I met, even on the first day I created my profile. One of my early dates was with a charming guy who took me out for drinks and small plates at a trendy lounge. Although we didn’t click, the experience was a welcome respite from my usual routine of cheap wine and crackers at home.

A Guilty Confession

As I continued to use dating apps, I started to manipulate the system to get free meals and nights out. I’d suggest expensive restaurants and bars, knowing that my dates would pick up the tab. After a few dates, I’d break it off, feeling guilty but also relieved to have had a break from my usual frugal lifestyle.

Rationalizing My Actions

Looking back, I know that my behavior was wrong and manipulative. But at the time, I justified it by telling myself that I was “looking for love” and didn’t worry about the consequences. I even convinced myself that I was subverting patriarchal norms by taking advantage of men who were willing to pay for dates.

A Change of Heart

Fast forward to today, and I’m grateful to have a better-paying job that allows me to enjoy my hobbies and help out my younger brother. I’ve also become more mindful of the importance of going Dutch on dates, even on first dates. It’s my way of making amends for my past actions.

The Unspoken Pressures of Money

My experience has taught me that money can be a heavy burden, especially for young women living in cities. We often feel pressured to keep up appearances, even when we’re struggling to make ends meet. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help break down the stigma surrounding financial struggles and encourage others to speak openly about their experiences.