Breaking Free from Abuse: The Hidden Financial Burden
When I finally found the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend, friends and family asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?” They didn’t understand the complexity of the situation, nor the financial dependence that made it difficult for me to walk away. I was trapped in a relationship where my partner controlled my life, dictating my every move, and even where I went after work. The emotional abuse was subtle, but it took me over a year to acknowledge its presence.
The Weight of Financial Dependence
We shared a nice apartment, with a rent split of 70/30 in his favor. This arrangement became a tool for him to guilt me into submission. We had a lifestyle of frequent dinners, nights out, and two vacations a year, which I couldn’t afford on my own. His financial dominance justified his need to know my whereabouts, dictate my actions, and even physically hurt me.
The Staggering Cost of Leaving
It took me seven attempts to finally leave the relationship for good. When I tallied up the costs of leaving, I was shocked by the total: $15,980 CAD (~$12,830 USD). This included:
- Moving Out: $160 ($128 USD) for renting a truck to move my belongings
- Breaking the Lease: $0, thanks to a loophole in our contract
- Renting a new place: An extra $3,720 ($2,988 USD) per year for a new apartment
- Furniture: $900 ($722 USD) for essential items like a bed frame, mattress, and dresser
- Transportation: $6,200 ($4,980 USD) for a used car, gas, and insurance
- Medical Bills: $600 ($482 USD) for medication and treatment
- Counselling: $3,600 ($2,891 USD) for therapy sessions
- Lost Wages at Work: $800 ($642 USD) for missed workdays and appointments
Resources That Make a Difference
In hindsight, I wish I’d known about resources like non-profit organizations that offer free support for survivors of intimate partner violence. One such organization helped me implement an after-work buddy system, which proved invaluable. I also worked with my manager to create a modified schedule, allowing me to attend therapy sessions and medical appointments during work hours.
Breaking the Silence
Leaving an abusive relationship is a slow and expensive process. There’s a stigma surrounding intimate partner abuse, but it’s crucial to acknowledge the financial hardships involved. By sharing my story, I hope to encourage others to seek help and support. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
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