She Strengthens

The Silent Suffering of a Marginalized Employee

As I sit at my desk, staring blankly at my computer screen, I’m consumed by a sense of dread. It’s been three years since I started working at this school in North Carolina, and until recently, I thought I had found a comfortable niche. But the recent election has turned my world upside down.

A Double Life

I’ve been working on a reduced schedule to accommodate my Master’s program, which I attend in the evenings. But now, I’m struggling to focus on my job. The constant barrage of devastating news has left me anxious and distracted. As a queer woman and the daughter of two immigrants, one Arab, I’m living in a state of perpetual fear.

The Weight of Complicity

I work in an office that’s predominantly pro-Trump, and I’ve learned to keep my head down and my opinions to myself. It’s a toxic environment, where prejudices and judgments are rampant. I’ve bitten my tongue for too long, afraid to speak out against the bigotry that surrounds me. But now, I feel complicit in my own oppression.

A Life of Secrecy

I’ve kept my personal life hidden, afraid to reveal my true identity to my coworkers. My last name doesn’t “sound too Arab,” which has sometimes felt like a lucky escape. But I know that if my colleagues discovered my true heritage, they would reject me. The same goes for my sexuality – it’s a secret I keep hidden, even as I watch my coworkers make jokes about having a “gay best friend.”

The Consequences of Silence

My anxiety has taken a toll on my work, and I’ve been reprimanded for my lack of focus. I’m torn between speaking out against the injustices around me and keeping my job, which provides me with a steady income and health insurance. But the silence is suffocating me, and I know that I can’t continue like this for much longer.

Preparing for the Worst

I’ve come to accept that I may lose my job, either due to my declining performance or my inability to keep my opinions hidden. So, I’ve decided to take proactive steps – I’ll start applying to other jobs tonight, in search of a workplace where I can be myself without fear of persecution.

A Glimmer of Hope

It won’t be easy, but I’m determined to find a job that allows me to breathe, to be surrounded by people who understand my struggles and share my values. It’s a daunting task, but I know that I can’t continue to live in silence, suffocating under the weight of my own fear.