She Strengthens

Toxic Managers: Recognizing the Red Flags and Taking Back Control

When I landed a new job, I thought I had finally found my dream role. The pay was great, the work was challenging, and my new boss seemed supportive. But as time went on, I began to notice warning signs that something was off. My boss, who had initially praised me for my fresh perspective, started to criticize my every move. She would comb through my emails, sit in on client calls, and even question my tone of voice. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, never knowing when she would lash out at me next.

The “Pet to Threat” Phenomenon

At first, I was the golden child, praised for my innovative ideas and enthusiasm. But as I started to speak up more, I was suddenly dismissed and belittled. I later learned that I was experiencing the “Pet to Threat” phenomenon, a common phenomenon where women of color are initially praised for their novelty but then dismissed when they start to assert themselves.

Excessive Criticism

My boss’s criticism was relentless. She would nitpick every aspect of my work, from my email tone to my client interactions. When I asked for feedback, she would simply tell me that I should “just know” how to do things better. It was a never-ending cycle of criticism and self-doubt.

Tone Policing

But the final straw was when my boss started to question my tone of voice. She would tell me that I sounded “cold” or “aggressive,” even when I was simply expressing urgency to meet a deadline. I realized that she was tone policing me, criticizing my manner of expression rather than addressing the substance of my concerns.

Breaking Free from Toxic Management

I eventually spoke up about my concerns to HR, but not before documenting every incident and educating myself on EEOC laws and company policies. I learned that I wasn’t alone in my experience and that there were resources available to help me navigate the situation.

5 Ways to Protect Yourself from Toxic Managers

According to HR professionals Tameika Scott and an anonymous HR expert, here are five ways to protect yourself from toxic managers:

1. Document everything: Keep a record of all incidents, including dates, times, and details of what happened.
2. Educate yourself: Learn about EEOC laws, company policies, and state-specific laws that may apply to your situation.
3. Speak up to HR: File a formal complaint with HR and have a discussion with your manager about your concerns.
4. Request a neutral third party: Have a neutral third party, such as an HR representative, present in meetings with your manager to provide support and witness any incidents.
5. Prioritize your mental health: Take care of yourself by seeking emotional support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist.

You Are Not Alone

Remember, you are not crazy for thinking that something is off. Trust your instincts and take action to protect yourself from toxic managers. With the right resources and support, you can take back control of your work situation and prioritize your mental health.