The Hidden Costs of Seeking Validation
As I reflect on my past, I realize that I’ve spent a significant amount of time and money trying to impress others, particularly men. It’s a painful admission, but one that has led me to a profound understanding of the damaging effects of seeking external validation.
The Mask of Confidence
I thought I was an “Evolved Feminist,” immune to the pressures of societal expectations. But, as I delved deeper into Leora Tanenbaum’s book, “I Am Not A Slut,” I realized that I was part of the problem. The book exposed the harmful consequences of slut-shaming and slut-bashing, especially for young girls growing up in the era of social media.
The Performance of Attractiveness
Tanenbaum’s writing forced me to confront my own biases and behaviors. I had always judged other girls for trying to attract male attention, but I was guilty of the same thing. I had attempted to cultivate interests and hobbies solely to impress guys, from listening to country music to watching Game of Thrones. These efforts were not about genuine passion, but about projecting a certain image.
The Price of Validation
As I tallied up the costs of my attempts to impress others, I was shocked by the amount of money I had wasted. From buying records and posters to attending football games, I had spent hundreds of dollars trying to fit into a mold. These expenses were not just financial; they were also emotional. I had invested time and energy into trying to be someone I thought others would like, rather than focusing on my own interests and values.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
Recognizing the motives behind my actions has been a crucial step in breaking free from the cycle of seeking validation. I’ve come to understand that my worth and identity are not defined by external approval. It’s a journey, not a destination, and one that requires constant self-reflection and awareness.
A Call to Self-Awareness
As I look back on my experiences, I’m reminded that we’re all guilty of trying to impress others at some point. But it’s never too late to change our approach. By acknowledging our own biases and flaws, we can begin to build a more authentic sense of self-worth. It’s time to stop treating ourselves like brands and start embracing our true identities.
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