She Strengthens

Embracing the Reality of Shared Debt in Marriage

When I said “I do” to my husband, I didn’t just gain a partner – I inherited a staggering $300,000 in student loan debt. As a millennial, I quickly learned that vowing “for richer or poorer” took on a whole new meaning. With the total student loan debt in the United States reaching a record $1.6 trillion, I’m not alone in this struggle.

Breaking Free from Blame

One of the most crucial lessons I learned was to avoid playing the blame game. It’s easy to point fingers and ask, “How could you take out so many loans?” or “What were you thinking?” But acknowledging my debt-free privilege and extending empathy towards my spouse helped me move past these negative thoughts. I realized that my husband’s circumstances were different from mine, and that understanding his struggles was key to moving forward.

Creating a United Front

Early on in our relationship, we discussed our individual financial situations. This open communication allowed us to understand and accept the debt load, student loan payments, and potential household income before getting married. Once we combined our finances, we made a plan to tackle his loans, which included making sacrifices like cheap date nights, meal planning, and saying “no” to expensive outings.

Budgeting for Freedom

Before creating a budget, I felt guilty about spending money on anything other than debt repayment. However, setting a budget allowed us to spend guilt-free while working towards our debt-free goals. Each month, we take 10-15 minutes to budget every dollar, starting with our debt repayment and ending with our pet bunny’s supplies. We also allocate “fun money” for ourselves, which we can spend without any guilt.

Avoiding the Comparison Trap

Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison and resentment. Seeing friends buy new homes, cars, or luxurious clothes would put me in a tailspin. But reminding myself that everyone is on a different journey helped me manage these feelings. Sometimes, turning off social media was necessary to stop comparing my life to others. I had to remember that being a good person, wife, or friend isn’t tied to money.

Dreaming Big and Enjoying the Journey

During a premarital session, we were asked what we would do 20 years from now with no debt. This question forced us to imagine a life without financial stress. We dug deep to find our “why” and what we wanted out of life, post-loans. Our goal is to live without financial stress, enjoy an early retirement, and create generational wealth for our family. Celebrating our progress and wins has kept us motivated and on track.

The Power of Love and Sacrifice

Above all, I’ve learned to lean into love. My husband brings patience, discipline, and unwavering love into our relationship. While his student loan debt is a significant challenge, it’s only part of our journey. Working together to tackle this debt has made our relationship stronger, teaching us to work together, sacrifice together, and put in the work now to pay off later.