She Strengthens

The Unspoken Rules of Sisterhood: A Lesson in Racial Bias

As I scrolled through social media, I stumbled upon a trend that brought back a flood of memories – memories I thought I had long buried. The ‘Alabama Rush TikTok’ phenomenon, dubbed the “delta variant’s Tiger King,” had taken the internet by storm. But for me, it was more than just a captivating story arc; it was a painful reminder of the struggles I faced as a Black teenager in the South.

Growing up in Alpharetta, Georgia, I was often the token Black friend in a group or the only Black student in a classroom. Boys wouldn’t date me because of my race, and girls wouldn’t spend the night at my house for the same reason. My first encounter with racism was at just five years old, when a friend asked if I had a brother. Unbeknownst to me, her mom wouldn’t let her spend the night at our house if I had a brother. My mom had to explain the harsh reality of racism to me at a tender age, teaching me to be cautious and aware of my surroundings.

The Burden of Code-Switching

As I navigated through high school, I learned to code-switch – to adapt to different social environments and adjust my behavior to fit in. But this came at a cost. I felt like I didn’t belong to any one group; I was too “white-washed” for the Black kids and too “different” for the white kids. I found solace in my Asian friends, who understood the social purgatory we were assigned to until graduation.

The Price of Not Fitting In

Carrying shame and insecurity around not fitting into a box became a heavy burden. I wondered where my one community was, where I would be enough. The covert punishment and hazing I experienced as the Black friend in a white friend group still linger. I felt like I was held to a different standard, that I couldn’t make mistakes without being exiled from the group.

The Makayla Story

Makayla, a college student, found herself in a similar situation. She was dropped from all sorority houses after a video resurfaced of her allegedly underage drinking at a Halloween party. The Internet was quick to point out that her white peers were not held to the same standard. It’s a painful reminder that even in seemingly “safe spaces” like a community dedicated to sisterhood and friendship, women of color are expected to pay the Black tax.

A Lesson in Self-Acceptance

Makayla’s experience serves as a turning point for her as a young Black woman. The trauma of being rejected, in part because of race, could lead to internalized racism or inspire a reckoning of self-acceptance and redefined self-worth. Her ultimate lesson – that neither she nor any student needs a sorority to experience community – is a powerful reminder that our worth is not defined by external validation.

The Unspoken Rules of Sisterhood

The ‘Alabama Rush TikTok’ trend may have captivated audiences, but it also exposed the unspoken rules of sisterhood – rules that are often biased and discriminatory. As women of color, we are expected to pay the Black tax, even in spaces that promise equality and friendship. It’s time to redefine what it means to be part of a community, to recognize the biases that exist, and to work towards creating a more inclusive and accepting environment for all.